The spirit of suicide is something that plagues Indigenous Communities, and it is not talked about enough. Just like sexual abuse, another epidemic that plagues our communities, no one speaks of it because it makes people uncomfortable. In my family alone, 70-80% of us have been sexually abused as children. This is probably translatable to most Indigenous families and communities across Turtle Island.
For me in my life, the 2 are interconnected. Not everyone who was sexually abused will feel suicidal, and not everyone who experiences thoughts of suicide was sexually abused, but for me, the 2 are inextricably connected.
Being sexually abused as a 4 year old girl changed the trajectory of my life. It made me disconnect & disassociate from my body in order to survive. It robbed me of feeling safe within my body, and led me down a path of pain and degradation. I was living with so much internal suffering, and no resources to help. Once I started to get a bit older, self harm became the way out of that pain. Cutting for me began at age 10. It provided a release from the internal suffering I was experiencing
The spirit of suicide is something that has come and gone from my life since I was 10 years old. I have a relationship with that spirit now. It still comes into my life from time to time , and I have the tools and resources to move out of those thoughts and feelings.
The leading cause of death for Indigenous youth, and Indigenous people under the age of 44, is suicide. We are killing ourselves more than any other cause of death. This is devastating to my core. I believe the root of this is trauma: historical, inter generational & lived experience. For many, they don’t have the resources to deal with the emotional and mental anguish that trauma leaves us with. I would also imagine that when people feel this way, they are scared to tell someone how they feel, fear of being judged, shamed or understood. This was true for me.
If you also live with the impacts of being sexually abused, or live with the spirit of suicide that comes and goes from your life, you are not alone. I live with it too. But I want to share that there are ways to make peace with that spirit, so that it doesn’t take over.
A Cree Elder shared something years ago that has stuck with me. Whatever it is that I am trying to run away from, whatever pain I am trying to escape, there is a lesson underneath it. If I choose to end my life over it, I will have to come back in another form and learn the lesson. That teaching has stuck with me over the past decade
You are not alone. We are in this together. I am here to help anyone whoever is struggling. Day or night, please reach out.
I share the photo of my daughters little hand helping me with cedar weaving , because these are 2 spirits that keep me on my path